kindness.

Last night was one of those times when I was reminded of what I have not yet done. And by "done," I mean goals, desires, and the little dreams I have not accomplished. And every day I run out of time. 

Daily verse: "Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up."

My day jobs are finally the ones I went to school and paid for training for, and I am grateful to be using them. Yet my dreams from younger days keep popping back up and I can't figure out how to fit everything in. And what is supposed to fit in? Are those dreams just lovely ideas that are distractions? Or is there substance to them and that is why they are coming back up? Or is it because I'm fifty and our home needs new siding and foundation work done, and that list could go on. 

And then again I am grateful to have a home that has heating and cooling and running water, and lots of things I enjoy. And I have a sewing machine and computer to type on and good coffee to drink each morning. 

This has been a hard May. Hard with turning 50 and high blood pressure and work being more stressful than I care for it to be. And as I type and think that, I also think how good I have it. I'm finishing reading Matthew this week and am reminded how my worries and wonders are so small and not worries, and yet to me, they are.

How do I cheer up my own heart when I know all the things I aspire to, and can't seem to get done? When I struggle with contentment, and am not sure if it is because I'm missing something, not zeroed in enough, because my BP is still too high or just self-induced anxiety, even though our kids (and grand baby) are doing amazing and M is doing well, and I have many things to celebrate... I have not fulfilled old dreams and I don't measure up, so where is there room for kindness... and if those dreams are selfish, then? 

Yesterday I caught the beginning of a podcast that had those be interviewed answer, " Who is (insert your name). It is a good question. This week I will ponder this as I wrap up Matthew and head to work and plan for future work related events. Who am I, even without out checking all my secret boxes of accomplishments or expectations for myself. 

About the images: top left: is one of the flowers I have planted in a front flower pot. I may need to add to the pot because they are staying quite small, but they are sure cute and full of blooms right now.

Bottom right: a market bag I made recently. I had the vintage table cloth cut for it for years, the lining was some I had had in my stash. You can't see it, but it is lime greeen with a playful print (a quilter's cotton). The tags are from Purl SOHO, I have just a few left from my time in NYC, but I wanted to give one with this gift, and the ric rac, under the tags is from my stash and very "vintage." I'm guessing 60's from the wording and design of the packaging. I used Amanda Soule's Market Tote pattern.